If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
