All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
