I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
