Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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