genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
