If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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