hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
