So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I believe in your delicious
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
