I smell stomach acid.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
