Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
