I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I fill condoms, not promises.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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