I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
