Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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