We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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