she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
