Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
