i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
