those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
