Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
