i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
