How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Still dying that you shit outside
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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