Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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