we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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