yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
