i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
