You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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