even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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