did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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