I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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