I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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