Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
