glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
