I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
