Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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