I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
did you just send me my own nude
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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