Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
