I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
