Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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