So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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