I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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