Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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