I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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