Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
