I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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