That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ketchup is God's man juice
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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