just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
