sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
