It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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