i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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