If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
