I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
