It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
