I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
