Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
