you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
