She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
