sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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