Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
