i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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